I think one of the hardest things to admit sometimes is that you can be deeply loved and still deeply lonely.
I have love in my life. Real love.
My boys.
My family.
My friends.
And still… there are nights where I ache for a different kind of love entirely.
The kind that reaches for your hand in the dark.
The kind that lets you sleep in while someone else takes care of the kids.
The kind that hugs you after a hard day without you having to explain why you’re crying in the bathroom in the first place.
And if I’m honest, sometimes I feel ashamed for wanting that so badly.
Like maybe I should just be grateful for what I already have.
Like maybe wanting more somehow makes me selfish or weak or ungrateful.
But I don’t actually think that’s true anymore.
God created us for relationship. For closeness. For companionship.
In Genesis, before sin ever entered the world, God Himself said:
“It is not good for man to be alone.” — Genesis 2:18
That longing in your heart for love, comfort, partnership, and connection is not proof that you’re failing spiritually.
It’s proof that you’re human.
There is no shame in wanting to be loved.
There is no guilt in wanting someone beside you. There is no weakness in desiring comfort after carrying so much alone for so long.
That desire is not bad. It’s not selfish. And it’s not something you need to repent for. God created us with the ability to love and be loved. He created us for connection. Wanting that does not make you weak—it makes you human. And maybe you need to hear that tonight because I know I do too.
Some nights, if I let myself stay in the hurt too long, it swallows me whole.
I get quiet.
I cry.
I shut down.
I replay everything my life isn’t instead of remembering everything God still is.
I think that’s the hardest part sometimes. Not even the loneliness itself, but the disappointment. The grief over the life you thought you’d have by now.
The exhaustion of always being the one who has to hold everything together.
The ache of constantly having to self-soothe, comfort yourself, encourage yourself, calm yourself down, and carry the weight of your own heartbreak alone.
And in those moments, I have a choice.
I can stay buried in disappointment over the life I thought I’d have…or I can slowly, imperfectly turn my heart back toward truth.
Not because the pain magically disappears. Not because I suddenly stop wanting love.
But because I know staying in that darkness too long will convince me of things that simply aren’t true.
So I open my Bible.
That’s why some of these pages are tear-stained from nights like tonight.
The nights where I feel like I’m barely hanging on.
The nights where the loneliness feels louder than usual.
The nights where I ache for comfort, for partnership, for someone to help carry the weight of all of this.
And somehow—every single time—God meets me there.
Not always by instantly taking the pain away.
Not always by fixing the ache in my chest.
But by reminding me of what is still true even when my feelings are loud.
That I am still loved.
Still chosen.
Still seen.
Still held.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
“I have loved you with an everlasting love.” — Jeremiah 31:3
“I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” — Psalm 139:14
And slowly, little by little, He helps me breathe again.
So if tonight is one of those nights…the kind where your heart feels heavy and your life doesn’t look the way you thought it would by now…the kind where you’re sitting on your bathroom floor crying quietly so nobody hears you…
I just want to encourage you to open your Bible.
Talk to God. Tell Him the truth about how you feel. Tell Him you’re hurt. Tell Him you’re lonely. Tell Him you’re disappointed.
Tell Him the desires you’re almost afraid to say out loud.
Not because He doesn’t already know them—but because He wants to hear your heart.
He wants you to lean on Him. Depend on Him. Run to Him instead of away from Him. And maybe the pain won’t instantly disappear tonight. Maybe your circumstances won’t magically change by morning.
But I do know there is a God who loves you deeply. A Father who sees you fully. A Savior who sits with you even here, on the bathroom floor, in the middle of your heartbreak.
You are still His daughter here too.
And even when it doesn’t feel like it, there is still a plan for your life.
I choose to trust that plan. Even on the nights where it feels like it’s taking far longer than I wanted it to. Even on the nights where I don’t fully understand it. Even on the nights where my heart hurts, especially on those nights. I still choose to trust that God is good inside this season too.
The ache may still exist. But it won’t always feel this heavy.
I truly believe that.
God has a way of carrying us so faithfully through grief that one day we wake up and realize it no longer crushes us the way it used to. The longing may remain. But the hopelessness fades. Not because we stopped desiring love…
but because God sustained us so completely in the waiting that we learned we were never truly alone in it.
So if tonight you’re crying in your bathroom too… If your heart hurts because your life doesn’t look the way you hoped it would… If you desperately wish someone was there beside you helping carry the weight of it all
Please hear me when I say this:
Your desire for love is not something you need to feel ashamed of. And this season of loneliness will not last forever.
God is going to carry us through it. One hard night at a time.
